My room smells like vodka and shame
NBC reported that a group almost has enough signatures to submit pole dancing as an Olympic sport in 2016...
God I fucking love America.
No flights in Europe due to the volcano erupting. God himself is telling me to spend 4.20 in Amsterdam.
He sang nursery rhymes to my vagina to get me to have sex with him..
Just went through campus. In the span of 2 min I saw 4 places I've had sex. And thats just down one street. Man do I miss college.
Let me put it this way - if I had a list of things I would like between my legs, she would rank below the cello I turned into firewood sophomore year.
I can't leave your house without my underwear spending the night.
I'm gonna let my dick speak for itself from now on. Seriously, it's always recruiting for me even after 6 hours of drinking.
Who wouldn't want a man who can knock a guy out but also loves the bachelor.
It's the best of both worlds
Someone shat in our tub last night. I'm not pointing fingers but you priors make you a prime suspect.
So I'm dropping a fat deuce at work, and the lock on the stall door slips and the door slides open, when suddenly someone comes in. Now I have two options, I can either get up quickly and try to shut the door quickly (not easy to do with one hand) or I can just sit there and play it off like it's no big deal and I always dump at work with the door open. I chose option two, and it was as awkward as it sounds.
I know him enough to fuck him but not enough to give him advice.
I'm hoping the sedatives kick in before I drunkenly decide to eat this whole cheesecake.
He is a real estate investor who’s face I’m going to sit on.
I think I hear the ice cream truck
I could be going crazy though
NO IT IS THE ICE CREAM TRUCK IT'S ALMOST AT YOUR STOP
Randomize
