well that one time I was being a total idiot trying to see how much I could drink. turns out 22 shots is too much. surprise surprise! ambulance party!
I just saw a girl play flip cup with only her tongue
I'm in love
This is getting serious. I keep forgetting what's in my vagina.
I told him I'd give him a BJ if he admited Hanson was good.
I don't remember coming home but there is cereal EVERYWHERE
Why does my right nut always hang lower than my left nut?
He threw me out a window and then threw raw ground beef at us. Normally you'd hate someone for that, but that guy's great.
Times like this, when you talk openly about Tinkerbell being your spirit animal, are times when I'm allowed to question your sexuality.
Who put the fucking tampon in my Mike's hard lemonade?
Bro, if we got a house, it'd basically be a revolving door for slightly overweight, but extra cute, sexually deviant girls with daddy issues.
You kept asking us from the backseat if you were driving ok and then you kept talking to your hiccups and yelling at them to "stop it already!"
Hahahaha .. If it makes you feel better I had a sex dream about a cheeseburger last night so I feel like we both lose.
He said it only counts if it ends up on the internet
And he put my hair in my clip while i blew him...and he did a good job
If the guys trying to booty call text me could see me right now in some raggedy pajamas with toothpaste down the front of my shirt eating pepperoni out of the package they might change their minds
Randomize
