Yeah. My legs are trembling...hard to walk. Feels like a neon arrow is pointing at me saying "just had sex (with not his wife)"
i told the bartender last night that if the palace saloon made a calendar he would be every month.
if pee wee herman would have taken a snuggie to the movies he wouldnt have gotten caught
I am three bowls, two beers, and a muscle relaxer into babysitting. What are you doing.
I'm pretty sure whiskey overrules bulimia in the eyes of Texas boys
This is the first time I have ever hoped it's poison ivy on my cock
theres 2 cans of open Campbell's soup on the counter and a note that says "guess which one is puke" ... want lunch?
Only three months past my 21st and I'm done. So many life lessons in so little time.
I can't handle more than one dick at once. I become crazy. It's hard to be mellow and free spirited and polygamous at the same time.
You’re sleeping on my couch so you’re not making dick appointments tonight
If you get banged by this bartender you know you can't be mad at me right? Its the rules.
Best neighbors ever! They found the guy ive been wanting as a booty call and got me invited to the party the guy was at and gave me alcohol so i could be tipsy when met him. im never moving.
Why were there just 3 inflatable bounce houses delivered to my house?
oh shit.
My theme for the night was drink diego drink! Unfortunately Dora was not there to navigate me to the bathroom
I just found out through a drunken phone call that my parents thought I'd grow up to be a porn star. It's kind of scary how accurate they were at how skilled I'd be at sex.
Randomize
