i think i would be perfectly content if, on my deathbed, i could look back on a life that didn't have any fisting in it
Great, now everyone thinks I've had giraffe semen in me
He looks like the kind of guy that still collects pokemon cards
can't believe I ate straight coffee grounds to stay awake for that
As one final fuck you to the courthouse i'm paying the rest of this ticket with sacajawea coins.
Its only 9:11 and I just somersaulted through a window. Its gonna be a good night
I've literally never felt worse
My body feels like its decomposing
I had to reschedule my trainer meeting so now I'm just here eating hot pockets
I still can't believe that dog licked my nipple.
Dude what is wrong with me. I'm like a strong independent woman and shit.
Sorry I twat blocked you earlier I didn't know Sam was over. But, my house my rules, I don't have to knock before I enter. I did see naked butts and smelt "Sex Stank" in the air, we're going to have to set some ground rules when I get home. Hugs and kisses..Mom
Watch out for the bush at the end of your steps. it comes out of nowhere
I'm sorry I crashed your motorcycle and watched you get robbed from a rooftop. Will you please come back or at least drop off my shoes?
He was so traumatized by the It's a small world ride but he immediately pulled out a flask from god-knows-where and got drunk before the ride was over. The ride operator didn't blame him.
so i'm with my friends driving on the highway and just saw a guy in the car next to us sucking on a dildo. can't make this shit up.
Randomize
