The Mets? Come back? That'd be like Nickelback writing a good song.
Im telling you now. Hang out with winning football players and you get whatever the hell you want. Sorry to wake you. But its important knowledge.
I cannot stress to you how much better your current situation is than listening to gay sex
I'm going to kill the bastard that switches my hot hookups from the previous night with ugly chicks
Some great men died of syphilis. I accept your compliment.
he asked if i wanted their team name to be " Amandas angels" or " Fuk budies" either way an intermural softball team of all my hook ups from spring semester is just depressing. convenient but depressing
He showed me one of his balls and said "this one's free. you'll have to work to see the other.."
Puked in the trees at home depot, I told everyone it was fertilizeerr
Now you know my pain. Live with it. Own it. Recognize it. Cause its like shitting napalm.
I started rolling down the window so he pulled into a gas station and i puked all over the side of the car while some dude stared at me. I waved and we drove away
He says he invented a new sex move called The Redbird that we can only do when I'm on my period. Should I be concerned?
I'm trying to be celibate. I'm having me time. I'm eating cake.
I woke up this morning and I had the absolutely horrific realisation that I am the human incarnation of scrappy doo
Currently rolling a blunt in the bathroom of Planned Parenthood
So unofficially, he told me he deleted tinder because of me. I think that's a pretty romantic gesture in 2018.
Randomize
