i wanna give whoever invented massage chairs a blow job.
Excuse me by sucking dick i am fighting crime. Just think of all the prostitues going out of business and getting real jobs.
Bad news is he broke up with me via text message
But the good news is I've returned as mayor of whoreville
He just compared himself to a majestic butterfly in regards to the lack of girlfriends. i don't even know what to say.
I got to find out the airplane alcohol limit, and somehow I made it through the flight.
I told the hostess, two bouncers and a manager i was roofied and made them smell my beer. Turns out I just picked up some stupid bitches CHERRY WHEAT beer by mistake. I insisted they replace my lost beer.
Blasting venetian snares and drinking a beer. I love being an adult. It's like being a child but with beer for breakfast, better music, and no one yells at you.
Found my bike today. On top of the garage. I'm not even going to ask myself why.
I want you to get your positive energy all over me. I want to to look like something from Ghostbusters.
oh and apparently my boobs are named "have no fear" and "plenty o'beer"
You screamed "i promise ill stop blowing your brother" in the middle of a packed restaurant at 1pm. We should maybe rethink our relationship.
I'm disease and pregnancy free. This is an Easter for the books!
all i remember is arguing with the chick that yahoo was better than google
all you were doing was yelling YAHOOOOO in her face
so i won
Also we're getting drunk and sledding down Caroline street. See you soon.
He’s older
Like “has a job and pays his bills” older or “still watches porn on DVD because he can’t figure out the Internet” older?
Randomize
