When I asked if she spit or swallow she replied "I never learned how to spit"
you went up to their shower, tripped in it, accidentally turned it on and then claimed that you like to "test everyone's showers"
I'm pretty sure he's lost all respect for me. it probably happened somewhere around the time i had officially slept with every single one of his friends..
please promise me that no matter what happens you will keep me away from the children
I'm still not a hundred percent.. I haven't shit anything solid in two days.. I have pulled my puker muscles and I can't take deep breaths cuz of other unidentified muscles/maybe heart attack
Kegstand on crutches, you need to get on my level.
It's ok, I may have just peed outside your car and used your whataburger napkins. Hope you weren't saving them for a special occasion.
Also, what is a socially acceptable way to introduce a crossbow in public?
And fyi howling is not an acceptable form of communication.
I don't know if it is the Everclear or chemistry, but i think my brain is coming out of my ears.
I think it says something about my sobriety when I don't notice a Taco Bell wrapper stuck to my ass until I'm in the shower...
It makes showers more interesting trying to drink a gin and tonic and keep soap out of my eyes at the same time.
You need to calm down.
Now some guy that's in my phone as " Alex lip ring hot" is texting me and I don't where life is taking me
You can’t judge a dick by its balls.
Literally.... Guy kissing himself in mirror in this hotel elevator
Randomize
