if i remember New Year's Eve then there is something seriously wrong.
Its weird to pet your cat with a boner
What the fuck?
After Madison dropped a bottle of full vodka an it shattered on the floor, it was quiet for literally 3 min straight and then drew said "the booze gods have spoken"
Why does every bad decision I make wind up having 1000 likes on YouTube?
I refrained from asking a guy what he spilled on his dick because it smelled good. Morals.
It's called being normal.
Some guy just showed up at my door to return my bikini top. EXPLAIN NOW
This day sucks. I just wanna play ostrich and bury my head in your boobs.
I'm not sure. But a mason jar of drug free urine just as soon as anyone can would be so awesome.
I think I'm going to call this chapter of my life story "Weekday day-drinking in the park isn't just for the homeless!"
"I wonder if vinegar is some sort of magical hangover cure" "...no I was definitely still drunk and drinking vinegar because I was thirsty"
I'm graduating college in 4 days. I already miss the bad decisions
Everyone says she blew me in the bathroom, so I believe it, I just don't REMEMBER.
I was so drunk at your wedding that Uber is now showing up in my Spotify recent searches.
Your Vodka Saturday privileges have been reduced to Beer until you go a full month without losing an article of clothing.
Sorry didnt text you yesterday. had to put restraining order on my ex.
Randomize
