Through a series of unfortunate circumstances, I think I just sprayed lime juice on my vagina.
First thing I heard on the radio when I got in the car: "humans and dinosaurs used to live happily together"... I need to stop listening to Christian radio...
dude I just realized something - girls return my clothes washed so in thought bringing girls home is like avoiding going to the laundramat
my girls lil sis wanted to play hide & seek. she told her 2 go hide. we went to the room and had sex. she was hiding under the bed.
on toilet. in drag. drinking coffee vodka. I regret nothing.
Can you call him, he said something about going to the balcony to pee and now hes texting me saying hes lost
You know, I had the money for a pregnancy test, but at the time, tacos were more important.
Need your help. He's locked himself in the bathroom with his bong and his childhood collection of Goosebumps books.
I'm making a date with someone on Playstation Home. That's how my sex life is going right now.
Being sober is no fun. Karaoke and not wearing pants are not socially acceptable things to do anymore and this depresses me.
Oh my god. We just got locked out of our cabin and went to the neighbor's to see if they had a key and caught the neighbor jerking it. My night > your night
I think we should have a sex position advent calendar
Someone just asked me why I drink so much. Im gonna slap a bitch
why is there glitter IN my vagina????
Went upstairs to make PopTarts, found the door open. Shut it. Saw a grey thing. Opened the door, found a girl sleeping outside. What the fuck happened last nigh
Randomize
