I didn't join FB to see my only child straddle that boy in all her pictures.
You act like I was drinking alone...I had the entire Verizon network with me
You dont ever try to use your dick as a power washer to get bits of poop of the toilet bowl?
I think I might.. possibly.. like a Justin Bieber song.
I think you might... possibly... have sprouted a vagina.
it's my sixth sense. If there's an orgy within 20 miles of me i'll know about if. Or be a part of it.
I ended up with a bullet proof vest and I still don't know his last name.
it wasn't a normal cookie, i figured that out 45 minutes into my exam
No, no... it's pale and surrounded by awkward, curly, red hair. It's the Ronald McDonald of penises.
Just described your amazing cock to a complete stranger. I am officially the worst wingman (chick) ever.
When I say drunk I mean that in the process of filming a fratstar cooking show they threw a keg into the street where the police came to clean it up. now all they can say is "THE KEG GOT ARRESTED."
His roommates came in and started a dance party in his room while we were having sex. He said it wasnt the first time.
last night i fell off a barstool and busted my nose. i can regretfully say that i didn't see cherub last night.
If you could come do me into like a 12 hour coma that'd be great
He managed to rip my nipple last night....
Shhh embrace your inner whore. Just embrace it.
Randomize
