arkansas has a gas station called kum and go....story of my life
i learned of a new sex move called the pterodactyl. 3 guys stand in a row. 1 girl blows the one in the middle while jerking off the other two. kids these days!
Yaeh! Back in our day we had to wait our turn for some party whore to blow us!
well there you go. the average partycunt evolved into megapartycunt just like scientists predicted.
i just hope all the shady shit stops so i can let him into my pants
Is it standard protocol to defriend someone after they give you chlamydia?
so whats your words to drink to for the state of the union? mine are 'change' 'fight' and 'you know'.
mine is 'the'.
When I told my mom I was having a rough time, she responded with "pop a xanax, take a nap, and when you wake up all will be right with the world." My mom is finally starting to shape up.
I didn't scare your mother by showing up on the roof, did I?
like a dude with a badge in a golf cart is gunna do shit. Unless he has a tazer. Then it's fair game.
First time on E and Chris took me to a petsmart during puppy day. I might die of pure awesomeness.
I mean I sucked his dick at 3 AM... UNDERWATER. I think I have earned a follow back on twitter.
Back. Waiting on Thong the shuttle bus driver. THONG
He keeps asking the karaoke guy to play let it go from frozen so he can sing it in a falsetto
my grandpa paid for my boob job but he just doesn't know it.
Thanks for listening. You're the first guy I've ever worked with who I didn't want to fuck.
she is currently in the shower drinking a beer and dancing to a song called "the penis song" my roommate is cooler than yours
Randomize
