Dear male population: sorry for being such a dick tease but thanks for paying for my bar tab and drunk food
News Flash: Turtles are cuter than Jesus.
Congrats on damning at least 10 generations of your offspring to hell with just one text message. Way to start your morning off right.
He's like the fucking Houdini of bras. Not only did I not feel him take it off I didn't find it until two days later.
just found out this city drinks more beer during oktoberfest than rhode island does in a year.. i'm never leaving
im celebrating the fact lent is over and i can give blow jobs again.
All she kept whispering was put your pickle in my mouth. Then she fell out of her barstool and chipped her tooth
She just rubbed her face up and down my six pack cooing. Equal measure of weird and hot.
We're all just looking at each other quietly, hoping that no one brings up last nights shenanigans.
Like I cant decide if he's like autistic or something or just seriously cock blocks himself on purpose with this shit
Now in listening to Jerome Bettis speak at the hall of fame and my boner just started twirling a terrible towel
I haven't had a bra on since I quit my job.
man fuck you i am a delight. you're the one who fucking set his tree on fire while high
Pretty sure I have a sex related back injury. I'm not sure if I should be proud or ashamed.
Why does my nose taste spicy?
How do you know what your nose tastes like?
I really don't think my body can handle another night of drinking
Lol you talk like you have a choice
I am worried that I am gonna die before the weekend is over
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