I knew you were gonna be a good wingman when the words "dibs on the chunky one" came out of your mouth.
She might as well just lie down with one of those red "Easy Buttons" next to her
The dutch village is so much worse hungover. Fuck them and their wooden shoes.
Sorry I couldn't get my dick out
Grape juice and vodka is NOT wine.
well i just had my first "when i graduated college she was 12" morning
Hes laying on the floorn in the bathroom telling Jesus to raise the flag
Like some sort of pot growing robin hood.
He also gave me two gold stars for sex. On my nipples.
Gonna open a taco bell in colorado. Millions bro.
sober me is the one who makes bad decisions every boyfriend I've ever had I met sober
If he would've shaved his beard when we first broke up, getting over him would've been so much simpler. That asshole.
I still hate everything and everyone around me. Krampus taught me nothing.
Your vagina is not a steamboat from the 1800's
I had sex in the bed of a guy who owns a house last night so I feel like this is a significant step up from car sex in the parking lot of a library
Randomize
