Today let's steal peoples pets out of their backyards and leave ransom notes
How did I get so drunk? We had to fish that girl out of the Goodwill Donation Box.
Nyc is like a mosaic of my failed dates.
He literally didn't stop until I lost count of how many times he made me orgasm. It took three hours.
i'm drinking whiskey out of a ziplock bag in a movie theater. i'm THAT girl.
Saw a guy throw up on himself while walking, drinking, and singing all at the same time. Hope your night is going better than his :)
Solid. Can't put a price on good times
You can and it's called a liver.
Um, would you be up for dick jousting? Stefanie is willing to pay 40 bucks.
You kept saying "this bitch", mumbled incoherently for like 5 minutes, took a shot, and kept going.
Now that I'm sober, I'm realizing you put your name in my phone as "wowww"
I'm not letting you use my bathroom unsupervised anymore. You peed in the sink thinking it was a urinal...
STOP BUYING ALADDIN PANTS WITH MY AMAZON CREDIT CARD
I was so drunk I got stuck in the middle of a revolving door
Why did my mother make you get naked?
You think my vibrator will be okay in the dishwasher?
Randomize
