do you remember what downloading porn with a 14k modem was like?
i just turned barefoot contessa into a drinking game. everytime she uses a knife butter or salt i drink.
TXT her NOW! The phone is actually IN her Va-Jay-Jay!!
apparently the 911 operator took drunk dialing waaayy too seriously
i think i want to fuck a midget just to see how difficult it would be
i just made my mom cry by blowing spit bubbles.
i would totally change schools right now just to be that new girl everyone wants
Im making the walk of shame with half a box of pizza, its like when youre little and you get a goodie bag leaving the party
There's a skateboard on the patio and all the chips are gone. The note on the fridge says 'don't buy cheese'. Stop letting her go outside.
im suggesting it to him. and by suggesting i mean we're not having sex again unless im wearing high heels
I just baptized the girl next to me. LONG LIVE THE CHURCH OF VODKA
No teenage boy ever gets scared away from sex unless she is slipping a wedding ring on your finger or is killing your cat. I promise.
I have 39 hot sauces from Chipotle
It's like earning obesity badges
i have a raging boner for Saturday, day drinking is one of my top favorite things right next to alligator wrestling and blowing shit up
He also has scotch. LOTS AND LOTS of scotch. I think you'd like him!
That is always a wonderful personality trait!
Randomize
