U r making out with a 12 year old get ur shit together
In an effort to go green, I just used rainwater to fill my bong.
I am full of burrito and curiosity
no where in the syllabus does it say "no alcoholic beverages allowed".
I'm sitting in my bathroom sink, eating a tuna sandwich. He had better weed than I expected.
He was streaking. We were hammered. We had roman candles. It only made sense to shoot them at him.
I fake pass out to avoid hookups sometimes. Last night I fake slept on my bathroom floor for like 2 hours before the guy left.
I think it's safe to say taking shots on the way to the emergency room was rock bottom. We're going to need to think of ways to top that between now and next new years eve...
That place is a DUI and an STD waiting to happen. I think I'll pass.
Hey. Me and my buddy are drunk. you wanna give us tattoos of the hawaiian punch guy we shall pay very well. Seriously dude. no bull shit.
I'm pretty sure there a million tiny ninjas in my uterus poking me with sticks.
Well I didn't spend $7 on an Uber just to get limp dick
Holy shit dude........stairs
I know you would never do it--but if I ever walk into your house and find a "live love laugh" ANYTHING, I will commit you to an asylum. If it is a vinyl decal adhered to the wall, I will just smother you myself.
She’s the kind of asshole whose face I want to put on a T-shirt just so I can go outside and burn it.
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