well recently, every guy I have hooked up with has been economy sized
I'm pretty sure I'm almost gay. Like, I'd do it if I had no choice. Like, if i were in prison I'd try it.
i made it my goal to pee in the sink of every apartment we went to last night. i didnt use the toilet once
All I remember is taking a bath, puking in the bath water numerous times while trying to wash myself and I must of eventually given up
Gave the kid in the wheelchair at the bus stop a beer and proceede to lift him on the bus. porch drinking brings out the best in everyone
Last time I stayed at my moms my fucking car got set on fire sooo maybe I should think this through.
Showing up at the grocery store at 5am to have the clerk sprint to the condom cabinet waiving the keys because you told him to hurry it was an emergency
Since he's sober and out of jail, he acts like we are the worst people on Earth. Fuck him, the only acceptable time in life to do coke is the early twenties. He won't take that from us.
im actually trying to see how many sex dolls we need for our raft so we can stay buoyant while we attack kayakers
Whiskey??
It will be at least another 6 weeks before I say yes again. I'm bruised. I stole sex cards and a really nice pocket knife. I acquired a vial of my own blood. Talk about a yard sale...
I've just informed her that you've voted her Chief-Adult-In-Charge-Of-Shit and that she will take the oath of office on Fri Dec 14th at 8 pm with her hand on a bottle of Jager.
I sent him a picture of my boobs instead of saying good morning. I'm trying to tell him how I feel in a language he'll understand.
he told me "apparently my gag reflex doesn't work so if you magically grew a penis I would deep throat you"
Right in the middle of our simultaneous orgasms, he shouted "HAPPY NEW YEAR" ruining the intimacy
i had sex with a girl named after a fruit last night and it was the best thing to happen to me in 2020
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