my room smells like sperm. sweet.
definition of desperate: He gave me his SC drivers license so i wouldn't forget to facebook him.
The ratio was 19 to 1 and the 1 was lauren so it didn't even count.
It was not a dingleberry, it was a dinglemelon
the boy next to me on the plane handed me a shot glass, then a perkaset, and told me to have a good week off..hellllo spring break.
i was that girl throwing up in the urinal. it was a dark moment in my life.
You left your underwear here. I'm hanging it on my door
If you were wondering whether I accidentally FaceTime called the undergrad who works for me in lab during a particularly graphic blow job last night, then the answer is yes.
I think I ruined his life by managing to get his initiation nickname for his frat to be "Whiskey Dick" but I still wish herpes on him and his fugly new girlfriend.
I'm not entirely sure what happened last night, but I think I dislocated my kneecap during an epic Mario Kart battle...
Sometimes I wish I lived alone because there would be no one to judge me if I wanted to have whiskey and popcorn for breakfast.
Is it customary to send a 'thank you card'to someone who gave you awesome oral as a gift at your housewarming party?
I still hate everything and everyone around me. Krampus taught me nothing.
Wait an hour then go and untie him. Bring toilet paper and some spare underwear. Want anything from Starbucks?
While all of the skanky girls from the crowd got on stage we screamed fair game and scoped out all their boyfriends, she made out with 2, this is what we call taking advantage of the situation
Randomize
