woke up with 15 BAGS of hot dog buns in my passenger seat... jameson strikes again
i wish there was a 'silent except for booty calls' volume level on my phone
I just found out me and my parents buy from the same drug dealer.
you should get a family discount.
I just puked in a penis shaped cake pan. I've hit an all new low for a Tuesday.
I want to fuck you with a popsicle till it melts then eat it out of you
Really.
One of the bamboo sticks broke and impaled him. I think he's drunk enough that it shouldn't hurt until tomorrow.
He won't sleep with me again until I commit...
Run. There is other dick in the sea, less clingy dick.
sex in a tree stand. check.
you lucky bastard
Well just watched a guy puke in a trash can then proceed to pick pizza outta said trash can and eat it
Random question: Have you ever woken up and were suprised to not have a penis?
My boss doesn't know what jello shots are. I've lost faith in this company.
Thank you for holding my butt in a non-sexual manner when its cold. I appreciate you and your warm hands.
Of all the kinds of relationships I've had in my life, I'd have to say, lab-partner-with-benefits takes the fuckin cake
went out to hit golf balls, ended up doing splits at the bar. you're a bad influence.
is it sad that a disney movie is making me horny?
Randomize