So I have to go swallow an entire zebra. Ur on ur own girl.
that's the second time you've been mistaken as a prostitute. maybe life is trying to tell you something
its my fault though, i'm wearing tights
you're hiking in tights? you remind me of dennis quaid's fiance in the parent trap
i keep telling myself in the mirror "get undrunk"
So do you want to come over? ;)
Never again opening up the Pandora's box of crazy that is your vagina. Sorry.
She asked the class if starwars was based on a true story...
He showed up to the Seder drunk and tried to convince everyone that he could read Hebrew.
there was a 40 knocked over. chips and salsa all over the floor. and she was in her thong doing boot camp on demand in the middle of the room..
I maybe late, he's in a peeing contest with the neighbor's dog. Currently he's in the lead.
I tried to show my boob for free volcano tacos at taco bell last night. Not boobs. Just boob. The manager wasn't allowing it.
Why do you have to go to the hospital?
I gotta apologize to a male nurse who's tryin to press assault charges on me
i feel like im paying for every hangover i didnt experience last year as a freshman. thank you sophomore year.
You were making out with a freshman and said you wanted to back to his place. Then when you got to the door to leave you said "never mind." He sad it wasn't fair and you got all serious and told him "welcome to the real world kid."
she wanted me to tie her up with my playstation charger cord. i kept on hoping she wasn't a squirter. those cords r expensive. could have def been a Sony commercial tho
Hungover playing piano at a baptism I am the PICTURE of class I feel like I should be struck by lightning
She was riding me and giving me score updates to the basketball game at the same time..... Shes a keeper
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