Did you just throw up mid-sentence?
i think i've said "don't judge me" 10+ times tonight... is that a bad thing?
yes
... don't judge me
Just to clear things up. I did not walk in on him jacking off to your facebook profile.
When the tupperware hit the highway it was like a vomit bomb
Sorry 4 leaving u in the dumpster last night
I have been drinking since 2. And I'm now chasing the cat around the house with a light saber. Anna's helping.
Remember that time we got drunk tomorrow
In other news I have discovered that grindr is the easiest way to get free meals
she tied the funnel to the fucking ceiling...
I FOUND THE LEGS
You were wearing a sequin mini, with Tevas. And you still got laid.
My concern for you and peanut butter is the reason I am still awake.
Omg. I can't go on a date with this man. His kids are too ugly.
Your grandma found me sleeping in my car this morning, and she wanted me to tell you she was going to church... Also, last night was amazing.
I'm on a walk of shame carrying YOUR pants. You owe me.
Randomize
