at some point to night u and I have a 'meeting' too...(1-737): I hope so
He was carrying a rolled up carpet saying he was saving it for tomorrow's Walk of Fame.
Would you feed me pudding while my fake tan dries?
Ok! I picked up an anti-celebratory bottle of champagne on the way to dinner for her going to rehab. That's how I feel about this...
she looks like one of those semi-pretty girls that turns into a 9 while she's riding your cock like she's trying to catch a train on horseback.
you regret 100% of the tequila shots you do take. thats what gretzky meant to say
You're wonderful. How are you always such a good friend?
50% genetics, 50% driven by a desire for people to drunkenly eat donuts at my funeral and then have fantastic cry-sex afterward.
That moment half way through a run when you realize you have to take a giant shit. I was racing against my bowels that last mile. Now my sweat is suctioning my ass to this toilet seat. Enjoy that NSA.
I COULD BREAK CONCRETE WITH MY FOOTBALL ERECTION.
Isis wins if we don't have the loudest, kinkiest sex in every part of my house tomorrow
Over 14,000 people at my school and the kid I went home with last night is IN MY FUCKING LECTURE
My little sister just helped me edit my nudes so that's how my night is going
She can be as judgemental as she wants. But she thinks the female orgasm is a myth so who is really winning here...
I love FaceTime, every time you ring me the morning after its like I went home with your one night stand too.
A drag queen just ate a dollar out of my ass. I don't know which one of us has hit rock bottom
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