K I think ***** turned off her phone. Guess I can't make her feel any more miserable tonight so I'm goin to sleep
We found them in a dumpster making out trying to get their privacy
I'm confused are we getting high or did someone actually die?
You guys don't happened to be dressed as gladiators, do you?
Lets just say I chased with a burrito.
By the way. I expect to test the theory of you running a mile drunk for memorial day.
My boss just told me not to come back to work if I decide to drink. Challenge accepted.
I remember having the weirdest thoughts and thinking our room was a compass and we were in the compass or something.
I don't think I've ever had this many people offer me blow before. 3 o'clock on a Thursday. I keep good company.
Dude, my vagina feels like new again! I love antibiotics. How's your day?
I hate when pubes grow back. My mons is a warzone.
I may or may not have spiked my gatorade to get through a game of monopoly with these children.
You bet your firm but soft ass I miss you
You know you drink too much when the bartender at your favorite bar recognizes you at chipotle with your sunglasses on.
I'm at the drive thru window, five minutes out. If the bathtub is empty or you're dressed when I arrive I'm not sharing.
Randomize
