Oh no. He has the "I'm 30 years old and I just shit myself in public" face.
At dinner I grabbed his hand and he screamed "mom she just grabbed my penis" the proceeded to shove my hand down his pants! Hello Mr.Dick!
I wish the iPhone would register texts from 11:59 as "Last Year" instead of "Yesterday."
The only problem is i have violated all potential new years resolutions at the new years party.
I have decided to cut my hair. This is based solely on the fact there is too much of it to clean vomit out every Sunday afternoon.
she insisted i was the anonymous guy on formspring that kept asking to bang her
Clearly I went along with it
im just going to wait until i dont feel like the grim reaper is having sex with me
they fed me a peach. i was laying on the floor telling them how beautiful they were
Found him fucking some random drunk chick in the bathrrom at the blue lep with a beer in each hand. had to give him props.
I'm not really made for random hookups.. i'm like a swan.. i don't wanna have random swan sex. i just wanna have one swan hubby and fly around the world together and eat bread that people throw at us..
I wasn't that drunk, I know my limits. When peeing became difficult I stopped taking shots.
Sex on the scooter in the parking lot wasn't the smartest idea. Actual quote from the cop as he handed me the ticket and fist bumped me.
But I'm currently thinking of all my bad decision making last night and giving myself a time out.
I would give a kidney to fuck him and he knows it. That bastard.
Call me Sherlock Holmes, bitch.
Randomize
