quit re-tweeting John McCain's tweets
seagrams + popov + pineapple + milk. there, ur search for worlds worst drink is over. you're welcome
Fuck morning classes. Fuck early work. Fuck anything in the morning that doesn't involve sleeping, sex or bacon.
Just flooded the bathroom while masturbating in the shower. Managed to squeege most of it up. Desperately need to get laid.
I tried to fuck this guy who I'm pretty sure has an erectile dysfunction
I have not carelessly put myself in herpes way since I got a clean bill of health tyvm.
Two girls just making out in the elevator. Didn't stop when the doors opened. Part of me didnt mind, but part did. Bc I wanted to get on the elevator without it getting awkward. Am I gay?
Think of where it's been though. That Dr. Suess book, "Oh the Places You'll go" was written for his penis.
Why would I send you a picture of it when I could just steal the gnome and put it in your bed with you? Admit it, he looks just like gnomeo!
I inadvertently smoked 6 blunts at one time. We just kept passing them around...I didn't know what happened until it was over. I can't walk.
And then the templeton police were like "oh I remember her, yeah the blue haired girl that we picked up cause she was passed out drunk on the side of the road"
Yupp. He's definitely a screamer.
Dude, you need to come and get her. She's sitting on the bathroom floor making hearts with her menstrual blood. And remind me never to let her do jello shots again
Depends how u look at it. Half-full, half-empty, or how should I shave my pubes
she brought her phone charger to the bar this bitch is ready to drink
Randomize
