he wants to bone in the snuggie
She uses empty wine bottles as book ends. 2 on each side. At least 8 shelves.
just saw way to many penises for it being 5 o'clock on a thursday
When you accidentally type "I want Prince William to fuck me in the ass" to your mom there's really no way to take that back.
I wanna take him on a special date, something that says I banged your brother but since he moved I want you
My life is a joke. Told everyone last night that they could call me Mrs. McCormick because I'm gonna end up alone with a handle of peach vodka anyways.
bro, your right, i shouldn't feel embarrassed about taking shots from a penis-shaped ice sculpture
Come make me food. I feel like if I go in the kitchen I will just get Gin.. and pass out in there.
I'm gonna take a crap in the portashitter like a civilized human being.
It was 16 hours of liver killing mistake making goodness
I just want to sit in my tub, drugged out of my mind, and watch the green lantern cartoon while the world as we know it ceases to exist outside my bathroom door, Okay? Is that REALLY too much to ask?
My mom just asked if I wanted a mimosa when I got out of the bath.
I think everything's gonna be okay.
Then you got drunk and shit in her car. Nothing before that matters. She isn’t calling you back.
He was actually surprised when I poured myself a glass full of straight vodka. Clearly he doesn't know me as well as he thinks.
I'm reading fall out boy fanfic. What has my life come to.
Randomize