I told my boyfriend my favorite food was strawberry poptarts, now my email inbox is getting spammed with nude pics of him with his dick in a poptart box..
i just put a booger in my mom's hair and i just needed to tell someone.
I think I just made patron unclassy I bought limes at a gas station and for salt we are using gas station packets of salt
Just waterfalled in the movie theatre... this is the beginning to a good night
you put your hands over the taxi driver's eyes and shouted GUESS THE WAY TO THE CLUB
Oh you have a half-brother? Why that's right up my alley! Let's cause family strife
Tearing families apart since 2011.
It's all good. Going back to my room to try and air out my balls.
I kept resisting the urge to yell "2 for 2!" so they could hear me on the other side of the wall.
He's not replying to my booty call. Like wtf. You have ONE PURPOSE IN LIFE.
I'm suffering a hangover from deep within. I feel like the half of the parts of my body are permanently laced with alcoholic substances
I hope you get a lego stuck in your dickhole
I genuinely attribute some of my blowjob skills to playing saxophone in highschool
I DO have hobbies! I drink. I drink more. I catfish men on Grindr with photos of guys who are less attractive than me. I listen to Lovecraftian podcasts. I'm very well-rounded.
I've Ubered to the bar three times this weekend to get my car but every time I get there I end up drinking. Still no car.
still drunk.please come get me.he kicked me out because i couldn't stop laughing about passing out in the middle of taking his virginity.
Randomize
