Im glad youre not pregnant with that New Jersey assholes baby. Your vagina would have smelled worse than Newark.
I woke up this morning to 4 booty call texts. So i am trying to find the sign that says i like to sit on cocks so that i can take it off.
trust me, i wonder where that sign is on a daily basis.
I had the most spectatular hardon this morning. I think it was trying to reach you in Wisconsin.
beer for lunch on the first day back to school.... too soon?
I think I've hugged the toilet more times than I've hugged my own family members.
It Amazes me that I was able to drunk update my status in Spanish last night.
AND OMG I HOPE YOU ARE GREAT WITH CHILD. COOK THAT BUN!
Please tell me I didn't help an old woman shave her vagina last night. Please.
That's the least of the fucked up shit you did last night dude.
I have a bruise on dick where you tried to "high five" me.
I'm going to take a nap so I don't feel like a stripper sneezed in my mouth tomorrow morning at work.
As I was about to fuck him, he requested a moment of silence for Leonard Nimoy.
HE PEED ON ME. THE MANAGER OF THE BAR.
i'm now remembering the last part of my nigght....ugh. apperently i bargained with the wendys drive up girl after they closed and got "w/e they had left" for $7
Which one have i been cheating ON and which one have i been cheating WITH if i met them the same night & have been dividing time equally?
Wow first he impregnates you then he won't send you the sex tape you made together? Where has chivalry gone?
Randomize
