so either half this theatre is as stoned as me, or day daybreakers is hilarious
Great parenting moment: noticing your kid is going to puke from gorging fish sticks and sending her outside. Then watching her puke on your dog.
just saw 2 fat kids fight for the last slice of pizza. Litteraly fight. God Bless America
Nothing says I've got my life together like buying a jumbo bottle of 7$ wine in sweat pants on a monday night
NEVER LET ME DO THIS AGAIN I FEEL LIKE I'M GONNA SHIT MYSELF TO DEATH ARGHHHHHGHHG IS THIS WHAT DYSENTERY FEELS LIKE
he told her he was actually impressed that she had fucked more people in this house than the four dudes living in it.
You're too morally constrained. I firmly believe that you should be less concerned with how young she is and more excited by the fact that she's not jailbait by virtue of a legal technicality.
I think drinking White Russians at half past four in the afternoon is perfectly acceptable. I'd bought a LOT of milk and cream that needs to be used up. Resourceful, check, fuckable, check. You have a great girlfriend here pal.
I forgot to ask you how long you're housesitting. By which I mean how many bones can I get in averaging 2.5 bones per day.
20.
After pissing all over her van its a lot easier to look her in the eye than I thought.
I didn't know how to commemorate his death, so I snorted a fat line off of his obituary. Rest in peace.
But I don't see you as the jesus riding a dinosaur with a machine gun type of guy
I’m a women at a strip club dressed as post Malone
You're a problem for me, dick game too good. In the future when I'm with someone I actually wanna to date, now I'm gonna compare.
Ok. After that I think I'm going to drag queen jello wrestling if you would care to join.
Randomize
