Can you get arrested or in trouble for punching a dead relative in a casket?
he sent me a winky sad face. i cannot deal this level of pathetically needy flirtatiousness.
she's laying in my bed with an ice pack on her vagina. how do you think it went?
you came here, splled a bunch of margaritas, hung up a picture of yourself and then left
Just saw him riding in a basket on the front of a bike trying to feed the other guy beer. He screamed 'PARTY BIKE BITCHES!' at me as they rode past.
I lied. He's hitting on a drag queen now. Should I rescue him or take pictures?
She said she was jealous that i could wear headbands, then growled at the ground in shame..
its cute though when you google his name more than one mug shot comes up from different states
All those movies are bullshit, there is no way to run down a line of parked cars, they`re too far apart. my faces hurts so much right now
When you're awkward as a teenager, it never goes away. You just mask it. With makeup. And boobs.
Is your gma going to be okay with me passed out drunk on the ground
She was doing hand motions and used straws from drinks like those airport light batons to have me back my "747 jumbo dick" towards you.
how drunk are you?
Several
So my ex just asked for my address to send me his wedding invitation... in Europe. Awesome.
That’s basically a green light to fuck his dad
Dude I can't beleive you didn't wake up. I literally f'd her IN THE DISHWASHER. Btw I'm pretty sure I also kinda broke the dishwasher.
Sorry didnt text you yesterday. had to put restraining order on my ex.
Randomize
