based on who turned up here tonight the whole evening should just be called "mistakes i made when i was fat"
I can’t believe the potential orgy I left behind at Waffle House.
if I could go back to kindergarten and not fuck up my life, I so would.
Just gave my little brother the collection of clothes that boys have left in my room since I've been in college for his birthday.
Ive never seen someone more dtf than a soaking wet drunk girl who stumbles into your backyard.
Transgendered man at work dawning a slutty batman costume. I hate Halloween
I'm drugging my best friend. I'm like a whole new level of bitch.
sold 4 oz of weed today pantsless. man i love college.
Nothing says never again like hurling in the shower.
I know. I told you I'm a mess. She had weird nipples. I almost lost an eye to one.
I'm pretty sure I'm the first person in the history of this college to rollerblade their walk of shame.
What did he say?
NOTHING. GODDAMN HIM AND HIS MAGICAL PENIS!
Just delivered a pizza to a holiday inn and a delivery driver from Me n Ed's walked up at the same time, we both were going to the same floor so we stood in the elevator making small talk about delivery stuff, but a small part of me wanted to deck him, stand over him and shout,"FOR THE HUT MOTHERFUCKER, FOR THE HUT!"
Jesus christ, don't start a pizza delivery gang war.
I feel like my vagina was punched by chuck Norris, a Brazilian chuck Norris.
I always knew I would be boring and die in an Uber.
Randomize
