Haha so you are never gonna want to meet my mom now...she just found your thong in her front seat
I shaved my pubes to make my cock look like it has a lions mane. to surprise the girl that works at the zoo when she comes over.
i gave him head before the novacaine wore off...i think his penis touched my lung
No flights in Europe due to the volcano erupting. God himself is telling me to spend 4.20 in Amsterdam.
maybe next time you shouldn't be drinking alone watching intervention at 3 am and no one would think you needed an intervention.
Freshman ate returning to campus. Let Operation Slut Storm commence.
That white girl was surprised to see orange pubes around my black cock. Happy Halloween!
They drank shots out of my cleavage. Surprisingly, the one who did the best was a gay guy.
I've said it before and I'll say it again: your tits are a danger to gay men everywhere.
Nothing like a false "my-dad-found-my-weed" alarm on Christmas day.
We made out a little and then he gave me some weed. I would say it was a pretty productive stop on my way home
But you can't tell me I give the best blow jobs and then not break up with your girlfriend who has fucking TMJ! Come on!
okay. well, yeah. i'm a mess and a half. this shit is not what dumbledore died for.
I now have a bottom rung on my kissing scale. Like I can say "Well. On a scale of Matt to Braxton he was probably a Zach." It's the little things.
The annual Father's Day Wake and Bake has been canceled due to lack of hustle.
If people had ratings on Tinder I'd give you 5 out of 5 stars.
Randomize
