I just encouraged Kelsey to make out with some guy for beer so I could take one, does this make me a pimp?
By definition I think it does.
So this is what it feels like to be all that is man.
its no coincidence her full name and "cling" are the same in t9
May have caused an international incident. More details after we taxi in.
Woke up this morning with a junior police officer sticker over my nipple this morning.
Legitimate concern. Who am I going to have birthday sex with?
Not good... He ate my chips. Thats not a sex analogy for anything. My actual potato chips... gone. I lost on both ends.
Breakfast of champions
Is that a dick crepe?
It is indeed
when you're a senior and the freshman guy you wake up next to asks who you are, you DO NOT give him your real name.
I've never wanted to punch a 94 year old woman in the vagina, and then call her next of kin to tell them I just muff punched their Gam Gam until today.
Can we just cry and dive into a couch-sized bag of sadness-chips, dip them in a la-z-boy sized jar of depression salsa while watching a show called 'Forget Your Hopes and Dreams, Just Kill Yourself'?
I'm just saying, I walked in on you blowing a burrito. I now understand how obsessed you are with Taco Bell. And how long it's been since you've got some.
Drunk me is basically the Oprah of nudes. Everyone gets one.
I woke up on the green space outside our dorm cradling a watermelon and sucking my thumb. College is crazy man.
i have two papers due tomorrow. contemplating if i should take adderall in my anus for full effects
You asked him if he would have sex with you under the dinosaur. He declined and then you started crying, blaming the sand.
Randomize
