Is my tampon string too long for this dress?
your ex dropped by. you can call me dwight howard, cuz im the king of rebounds
...she just doesn't genetically have the things I want my kids to have.
I'm officially my mother.. Smoking in the garage pretending to take the dog out in a big ugly jacket
ohhh no, absolutely not. i am waaayyy too superstitious to have sex with the self-proclaimed "baby-maker" on father's day...
I think cutting a patient out of a owl costume is a first for those guys. It's a good story at least.
I broke out the Krispy Kreme, and am possibly having random internet sex in less than an hour. I think I got this breakup under control.
You came running into my room at 4 in the morning yelling "SANCTUARY!" and flung yourself into bed.
Hmmm, sounds like a Jaeger night then. Did I at least get to be the little spoon?
You just managed to turn Doctor Seuss into a sext. I really like you now.
I think if I send him enough nudes, he will buy my plane ticket.
I had the bathroom of girls sing you happy birthday while you puked. I couldn't stop laughing. They were all so supportive
we can no longer cook chicken in the house. his name is herbert, we are keeping him and can not eat his people in front of him.
My moral compass kept pointing to his penis.
I just don’t understand what sort of USPS worker wants to take my unitard and sex toys.
This is going to be so stupid, but do you feel the calluses on my hands when I give you a handy?
Randomize
