WE WERE REALLY IN A PORNO LAST NIGHT
After last night's events, I googled "how to change your life direction." I found a really helpful ehow.com article.
The old saying is "its not the size of the boat-- but the motion of the ocean" is obviously for those on the "Small side." I am of the belief that "You can't churn butter with a toothpick"
I just got hit on by my highschool french teacher. I need to stop going to this bar.
Apparently, I woke him up at 4AM, and yelled "you're mad because we don't have sex," while grabbing his dick. Then immediately fell back asleep, dick in hand.
I think it's time we have the "weird fetish" talk.
i was able to set 4 alarms to make sure i woke up in time for class but i couldnt take the open beer out of my pocket before i did cartwheels down the hall...
Easy Mac is falling out of my sweatshirt as I'm walking down the street.
So howd u manage to get high at a one year olds birthday anyway?
wtf... you literally introduced yourself as "that friend who's going to fuck all your other friends."
I hope you know that means regardless of their gender.
We don't have paper towels so I microwaved a spinach/egg sandwich thingy wrapped in toilet paper. Toilet paper. so that's how my day started.
It's finals week and I'm halfway done with this bag of wine and don't plan on stopping. Say goodbye to my GPA
Woo is fucking right, dude. Vodka night tonight. Honestly, every night pretty much seeems like vodka night lately. My liver wants to move out of my body like I gave it an eviction notice.
Three times. Three times I left home yesterday in search for sex, and three times I returned un-orgasmed.
Idk what's happening right now but im wearing a tutu and pissed as fuck.
Randomize
