Lets get really high and only speak Spanish to each other again tonight
Don't worry we didnt bang. Sometimes I just bring guys home so I don't order pizza.
The hot Japanese girl in my class just said her "favorite sexy American actor is Nick Cage." That, I can work with.
If there was a god I would have a big mac right now, but i don't
I found out that my first kiss was an Italian. Even in kindergarden i knew size mattered.
please dont ever try to drink horizontally again. I thought I was going to have to give you cpr
He threw me out a window and then threw raw ground beef at us. Normally you'd hate someone for that, but that guy's great.
I've always wanted to pass out in a bathtub
I think most people do. Your only real mistake was turning the water on first.
i just keep picturing us drunk surrounded by kittens.
She described me as " a caterpillar of adorable quietness that exploded into a slutty butterfly" She definitely nailed it there
your sister totally cock blocked me last night don't even think about inviting her to taco night
MASS TEXT: Lets start a new tradition. Black Friday log pic contest. I'm waiting.
She curled up in the corner, screamed "THE BLANKET IS SO WARM" and promptly passed out with her face in the dogbed. No one bothered to reposition her.
His life is a porno. He snapped me while banging a girl in the back of the ambulance.
I left my Bacardi and dignity in your freezer. Will come get it later.
Randomize
