I thought she had more class and brains than to date a complete numb-nut, drug addict, fuck up like him. People never cease to amaze me
so after all day drinking, we went to an all u can eat crab place and i was going from table to table surveying the crowd if they though the crab i was carrying around looked like the flying dog from never ending story...what the hell is wrong with me?
not only did i climb through the window at 4 am but here i am 4 hours later for my interview at the mall and i'm staring in the dark pet store barking at puppies
I guess we had a small kitchen fire somehow when we decided to bake fruitroll ups and croutons...
I can't, I'm busy. I've been walking around Tokyo on google maps for an hour.
I love how all these freshman girls think that they can wear what they wore last summer... freshman 15 at its skankiest
Go ahead. I tried to back up ur budhism story but she mite be catching on
Dammit. I hoped that would work. Just tell her I'm doing my pilgrmidge to Nepal or something.
No, no, no. Fuck you. I took a glass blowing class solely to learn how to make that bong. You shattered it and my dreams in a matter of five seconds.
Fair warning: We've transformed the living room into a giant tent.
Managed to get through family dinner without anyone knowing I was tripping balls. Christmas miracle. He exists.
I knew it was a bad night when the only thing I could remember was you force feeding me tortilla chips as I hugged the tire of my car and begged to have my stomach pumped.
Hi I am too sober and out of rum. Translation: I owe you some beer. Also, get better taste in beer.
Right when he asked me if I was on birth control my dad walked in. This is my fate.
I just remembered something. We made out last night, people cheered.
I let a drunk straight girl spank me with a metal paddle at the bar tonight. Remind me to never do that again.
Randomize
