I'd suck a dick for hot wings now. A metaphoric dick that is
I've been sucking dick for sushi for weeks now...hasn't worked yet :P
That cute girl I hooked up with last night clawed my back to hell and gave me a hickey. I look like a white trash warewolf victim
the only time it's appropriate to sing In The Air Tonight by Phils Collins is while sake bombing at Cal Beach
um or while having sex on a train
I am drunk as shit eating pancakes. I am not the person to call.
I just had to google "How do I get semen stains off of drywall." I'm relatively proud of this
Bisexual Viking-cowboy hybrid is at the bar again
Dibsssss
Pretty sure I just shit out pure stomach acid. I'll explain after you take me to a hospital
Time for jim to play the "dont seriously consider pooping in the trash" game
You were so drunk last night you thought you force pushed the automatic door open.
Full contact beer pong was definitely not my best idea.
No. I'm laying on the floor naked. I almost made it to the shower
This could be the definition of living by yourself
I'm gonna buy my dress an hour before wedding. You know, just to make sure it's gonna really happen.
T'would be a shame to waste that open bar though. They shouldn't do that to us. We've been having to pretend we're happy for two people who got engaged a week after they met.
Actually here it's more "lie around naked in a dark room" weather.
My debit card was between my ass cheeks when i woke up. i vaguely remember putting it there for safe keeping
That 2-CB was ass.
You mean the asprin cut with pez?
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