Good news! Whoever used this stall at Target earlier...not pregnant!
just woke up and he was jacking off in the corner.. am i being punked?
I don't know if it's her mysterious past or atrocious grammar, but I think I'm in love.
and I was crying with the towel lady in the bathroom of the bar about the tragedy in Haiti. Then we hugged before I left and I gave her 10 dollars.
and ill be dreaming of you. not in a creepy way, but in an inappropriate way
I think I ordered pizza when I got home. The email said the delivery time was noon today. So if that shit shows up I am the most amazing drunk on the planet.
I should have some sort of frequent buyer card or something. I just bought my third bottle of Captain this week. It's Wednesday.
No one knows who he is but he hasn't missed a shot in beer pong yet. He's dressed as lance armstrong and is tearing shit up.
I hope my shame shaped pee stain outside your door goes away soon.
they call him the transporter because he'll be your designated driver in exchange for sufficient weed or sex.\n
what about money
no - he has a code he lives by
Your grammar in that last text message was so awful.. My vagina wants to go crawl in a hole, and never speak to you again.
You need a twittervention. You're better than this.
You pissed off the back deck while listening to the national anthem from your phone screaming America Fuck Yea to my neighbors
It's kind of awesome I can smoke with my parents and tell them about thetime we used listerine in that bong
I just remembered that I insisted everyone watch porn together last night.
Randomize
