Yeah i wasn't gonna go out but then i was like im not gonna get my dick wet stayin at home studying
I don't know how God could bestow someone that emotionally confused with such an awesome penis.
He's a good guy, we stopped by his old church.
And you didn't burst into flames?
I feel like banging her is an expected thing. But banging you would be like getting a 36 on the ACT.
Oh btw I took the eighth out of the plastic wrap so I could use it to wrap my red pepper. This can be seen as either pathetic or resourceful.
dude he was laying on two half-naked chicks, as they rubbed him down with lotion, while rolling a joint. hes like a modern-day african king
I got kicked out of the bar but no one cared, I dont have any money so i stayed outside with the bouncer for an hour and he got so sick of me he let me back in on the condition that i cant leave my seat. VISIT ME
If it was designed to hold water, it was designer to hold wine
A DRUNK EMT IS BETTER THAN NO EMT!!!
The highlight of your blackout was when you drunk showered with the garden hose and emailed your boss your vacation requests for the next year.
i’m just listening to christina aguilera’s “your body” on repeat and trying not to pass out at my desk.
I know this is super early in advance but can I borrow your horse mask on 4/20
My blue shorts are now brown from all the stripper fake tan
That's MADAM THUNDERCUNT to you
Put viagra in his coffee. I did that with Geoff last month and three hours later I had bitten through a throw pillow and gotten a noise complaint from a neighbor
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