you kept lying down on the floor at the bar just to prove you could get back up
Some dude just bet me $8 I couldn't smoke a pack of cigarettes in an hour...It sounds stupid, but I really wanna do it. If I survive, I'll have $8 and it'll look good on my resume.
When i walked in, you were in bed with a hot chick rolled up in a green blanket and said you were acting like a caterpillar..
his blanket is still in the back seat of my car, its like a constant reminder of his small penis
hey watch out, they threw flour on everyone who passed out at their party last year.
Thanks to that wedding, I got to use the term "finger bang" more than I have since high school.
I'll take "things you shouldn't say to a guy you just met in a bar" for 100!
Vasectomy results are in. No swimmers in the water. REPEAT. No swimmers in the water. Come help me harness my new found super-power
I have a black eye again and dont know why again
Look, I've got a really big car. We just need to put ourselves in it and put some body parts in other body parts.
So you're not opposed to us ever having sex again? Because it just seems like such a waste to let a penis like yours go.
Casey, if you want the continuing love of our mother, you're gonna need to stop drunk texting her from PCB.
My parents are now taking hits off a joint. Thank you.
So a bottle of lube exploded all over my softball bag and Nike shirt.
According to the office gossip the new secretary is “a homewrecking whore”. Think I should spend $27 on a fake wedding ring?
Yes! Want that picture of you and my nephew?
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