why didn't you say something constructive like "stop chugging that vodka"?
I want a meaningful relationship and i wont get one if i keep giving him blow jobs in my basement while watching family guy.
hey remember that 14 year old i met 5 years ago who i said i would bang 5 years from then?
Yup.
Now that my 6 day bender is behind me, I just realized I might have been the one who took a shit in our mailbox that past few days.
she gave me a blowjob during our lunchbreak and expected me not to tell people
constantly striving to make life awkward and more complicated, one drunk bone at a time.
have to get expensive furniture. after that study abroad now at least six things at ikea are named after guys i slept with
Operation "Inform her family she stars in a sadistic lesbian porn film" is in full effect. She picked the wrong guy to cheat on.
The strip clubs here are like a safari of penis, and I'm gonna bag me a rhino.
after you left he started opening his bottles by smashing the neck against the edge of the fireplace and pouring beer into his mouth. it was about the manliest thing ive ever seen. its probably how lumberjacks open their beers... if they didnt have their axes handy.
Nothing says "class act" like eating acid in the middle of a Buffalo Wild Wings
I've started brushing my teeth at 6pm, because honestly alcohol is the only thing I consume after that
it was her dad's 50th birthday kegger. Within the first 5 minutes I got punched in the ear from an off-duty cop and smoked a joint the size of my vibrator.
oh yeah, and she got boxed-out by said cop. Then her dad turned around and high-fived him for it
It's confirmed. I have two dates on Saturday, and they are both named Mike.
I'm like a bad decision making factory. I need to sit down and have a chat with my decision making elves.
Randomize
