Segways are the fanny packs of transportation. Useful in some situations, but you always look like a tool when using one.
I'm so drunk that I ordered a root beer at the bar. Whoops?
well when i got there she was attempting to stick the cat in her mouth.. so maybe you should go check on her
Also, just saw a homeless man answer a phone call on a blackberry...
He said he's gonna start calling me "Benny" because we're "friends with bennyfits"
Its mothers day and I have choke marks around my neck. Thanks for that.
he threw up all over himself while laying down.. it was like watching old faithful, but with noodles and vodka
i find it unbelievable that you didn't think it was necessary to intervene when i started letting people autograph my body with spray tan.
Being drunk at the hospital is better than i expected. I got to hide and play in the little kids waiting area. Btw no one is hurt
I walked into my room to see them crying, watching hey arnold, and passing a franzia box back and forth...
I've already agreed to hook up with 3 people tonight, and its not even 2:00 yet... I think this is what the path to success looks like.
I think your dad took our porno
We left the bar and you kept yelling "ONWARD SCION, TO GLORY!!"
Ain't no cockblock like hearing the word"HOOODOOORR!" shouted from the bedroom floor while in the middle of sex.
The covid immunization shot lady also sold me a mondo bag of really good pot.
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