i either just walked in on pete wacking off to webmd or he was checking his dick for herpes
I had to stop messing around with him for fear of laughing in his face. I swear it was a pinky finger in his pants
yea, the bartender wouldn't serve you because you kept asking for "a slice of beer"
My parents just suggested that we tailgate the midnight christmas service. this is my gene pool.
I will never swim in a flooded basement again..
This is the first time I have ever hoped it's poison ivy on my cock
I have now added draft and wells specials that different bars have to my blackberry calendar.. Help me.
Also, that dude projectile vomiting all over the living room was the perfect distraction for me to swipe the booze and run.
I sat on my couch last night watching What Women Want, eating ice cream, and sobbing "why doesn't she like me?" Why was I born a man?
That would be a mascot riding an ATV at a semi-professional hockey game, if that doesn't sum up how I've been I don't know what could
EX BOYFRIEND'S TWINS WERE BORN TODAY. THIS CALLS FOR A MARG.
Today's hangover is brought to us by Sailor Jerry's and your dedication to my alcoholism.
Accent: check. Hot body: check. 8" dick: check. Feeds me biscuits in bed after rampant sex: check. Should I continue with my "Why I'm not coming back to the States" List?
I just told my bowl "sorry" for putting it down, because I thought I hurt its feelings. omg. I'm high.
It wasn't my fault.
You let her suck your neck. Yes it was your fault.
Randomize