Between the two of us weve fucked every guy at this table
So apparently we dropped beers outside the apartment last night, and someone RETURNED them! Ha like what? I just walked out the front door to Christmas in a box on my doorstep.
The cops are here to take me to jail, so I guess I have to go with them. If I'm not out by 6 p.m., there is some left-over lasagna in the fridge for you.
At some point you realize they're vacuuming and you still have to sober up. Please find me a boyfriend thanks .
On a side note the mornings you do so much Xanax that you wake up totally at one with the universe and feel invincible are great
Just ate a gummy bear I found in my sheets. So yeah, 2013 is SO gonna be my year.
Well I think I made it pretty obvious I wasn't in to it. I was drinking a beer while he was going down in me
You slid down the wall and got into the fetal position. He was definitely judging... I was judging....
Star Trek does not adequately answer all the questions that I have about alien genitals
You can't be friends with my side piece. Conflict of interest.
I just can't have sex in the car again. it's just too much
COME AND FUCKING GET ME I AM IN SOME SORT OF JUNKYARD!!!
the police dropped me off. that's how my night went.
we found her. shes in the bathtub full of raw pasta. i dont even know...
Just went to Meijer. Purchased furnace filters, fishing line, red lipstick and pregnancy test. And if my purchase alone wasn't classy enough, I took the pregnancy test in the Meijer bathroom because Im on my way to the bar and wanted to know if that was a good idea or not. Cheers to no babies!
Randomize