i'm sure there's a big cosmic reason for things working out the way they did. like, now you have awesome images to masturbate to.
ew. I made a sandwich, and the cheese reminded me of her vagina
she quoted hannah montana in her facebook status. i will never be speaking to her in person again.
I almost caused an explosion; It's okay though. because everyone would have died having a good time.
by the way- Brandy out of a doggy bowl was AMAZING
We're doing it in the traditional way of discussing why we dislike each other while sharing a bowl. Just like the natives do.
I found a body half wedged into my bedroom wall this morning. How do I explain THIS to the carpenters?
WTF DUDE?
Stay calm. I'm sure there's a heterosexual explanation for this
I woke up to the sound of him repeatedly tapping out SOS in Morse Code using his hard cock.
He finger blasted me like an angel dude
My Sexting was not on an AP level
No, you are in the clear. The police officer finally just said "I give up" and walked away.
How’s the date going?? Do you think he’s gonna cut your face off and wear it to his birthday party?
90% sure I just sold adderall to my professor
100% proud
I’m going to Lewinsky this place
That makes no sense, but it sounds terrifying
Randomize
