Its like common courtesy of dating, the guy pays for the weed, just like dinner
Every good night starts with white castle burgers and shots in the parking lot.
i was just texting to let you know that my facebook chat is working again so you can talk to me more. please talk to me more.
How do you get mayonnaise out of... well jesus it's everywhere, let's start with carpets
did i call you last night crying about tacos and the royal wedding again?
Dude. Remember the only two rules I set for that? Always have a sober friend and don't do drugs with a fat chick.
Why the fuck did I wake up in a chair with mouth clamps?!
My goal for the night is to see your housemate's one lonely teste.
This juggling 3 dicks is getting exhausting
I forgive you, at least you vote. I found out my fuck buddy isn't even registered. I won't fuck a non respectable citizen.
Oh if we have sex in public no one will frown upon it. They will stand and cheer for it
Do you remember peeing in the sink while I was throwing up?
No ma'am, I do not. I found a video of us trying to do a trust fall though. Emphasis on the trying.
I walked into the bathroom and there's this 6'5" cop washing his hands. He looks at me and goes, "Heard you singing outside. Sound real pretty."
No more tequila EVER.
Man I sound like a slutty Mormon
I just checked and if you bring a picture of your ex they will shred it and give you a free 'hater shot'. Would it be too much to print off one of their wedding pictures and bring it?
I really love that you're not going the 'why am I not married and having a kid yet?' route, but rather 'thank god I dodged that bullet'
Randomize
