he got wood on it!
i know. i had to sit in his lap on the plane. he also wore teva sandals.
...i was talking about hockey
Things overheard in WeHo: "Just drink a corona and eat some ass, you won't be hungry anymore"
well that was a long night...
dude, you were pretty messed up... what happened?
no idea... but i still woke up with my pirate hat on
Every time I hang out with your gay friend, I have to make a checklist of words to look up when I get home. First Google of the night? "Power bottom."
Do you think he likes his girlfriend's moustache?
I wish i could make my toaster dance like they do in the second ghostbusters. But i dont have ectoplasmic goo. Or a toaster.
I made popcorn. Partly so the room doesn't smell like sex, and partly to apologize for the things you saw when you walked in...
He didn't seem too mad about the puke on the side of his car. You still have a chance.
Her little brother walked in right as I was finishing and was like "uhhh hey there's a lunar eclipse outside"
Just peed on my foot. Thank you Sunday hangovers.
we used the fire extinguisher you had been cuddling with to decorate the cop car while they were inside arresting everyone
Get the fuck back here. Your brother taped bottle rockets to the front of his scooter and is bombing around screaming, "Rest in peace, Goose!"
I woke up with a meat pie in my hand and my mouth tasting like an ashtray. I'm a catch, really!
You should just construct a mini-city, actually. Then destroy, photograph and post. Who could turn down a dick that conquered a whole city? Craigslist personals wont know what hit it.
Drunk me just left a note for sober me apologizing for all the fucking crumbs in our bed
Randomize