best part, i was ridiculous and none of them were judging me bc they didn't want my vagina. it was like i was a pretty painting
he fingered me, smelled his fingers, then asked me what i ate today..
its barely noon and he already threw up and i have second degree burn
apparently you can't crawl through the drive-thru window
We were squawking at each other for over an hour like chickens. Literally. Never touching the stuff again and never again showing my face at that Denny's.
That was around the time you tried to kick me out for being rude to your fish.
We're knee deep in HJ's right now.
hes either a crazy bad problem or a crazy good orgasm. I just can't decide which one.
Actually it's really just going to be me drunk in your living room swinging from a pole on a tuesday morning.
I just realized, I'm going to be on my period for the end of the world. FUCK.
How does a law student 15 days away from graduation prepare for a pass fail final? Drinking beer, eating thick cut bacon, and watching game of thrones, that's how
He pulled over in the Compass Bank parking lot so I could dry-heave, but I decided I couldn't vomit there because "I bank here."
What's life without a pregnancy scare?
YOUR MANICOTTI IS FULL OF LIES
Sorry i meant to send that to my mom
BRB. These cougars are squabbling over my junk and one of them is offering to pay my tuition
Randomize
