i thought i deleted your number from my phone...Wtf
what happened last night??
everyone saw ******'s vagina
and that's just the beginning
just thought you should know that she got home at about 6am.... totally wasted. she was locked out and when i finally came to the door she was on a patio across the street with some random making hotdogs on somebodys elses bbq.
The only reason I'm still around is so I can grow a huge Gandalf beard when my hair turns gray
Cute you're picking friends over dick. I feel like this is the trailer for a lifetime movie.
there were staples in my comforter. what kind of sex did we even have?
she made sit in a corner, drink nothing but water and told me she was worried about me because i picked up an irish guy at a taxi rank. says the girl who invented tequila night and fucked a guy in a park across the street from a sweet sixteenth.
My dad and I just got asked if "we wanted a more intimate setting for our date". The world is coming to an end.
I'm just sad for you. It sucks that the 17 douchebag asshole guys you're fucking can't morph into one nice, normal, non-alcoholic guy that has a drivers license and no criminal history.
Quick question: is it impolite to pause sex to put on my knee brace?
And I might have stolen a bag of Doritos out of Matt's car and hid them in my bag and gave individual chips out to people dancing, trying to convince people they were mini tacos.. Like why Am I allowed to be an adult
We smoked a blunt in a stall where a drag queen was fucking a bartender in the ass. So theres gonna be a second date :)
and then you two started interpretive dancing to Mozart
this is the second day the intern has gotten me coffee. he either wants to bang me or thinks I'm more important than I am.
either way he's in for disappointment
I don't know who he was but he was covered up with a shower curtain and ate a whole bottle of tums
Randomize
