How young is too young to ask my kid to make me a drink?
im having a threesome with these popsicles
got hammered last night, woke up this morning to 38 texts that varied from "you fucking asshole" to "i can be there in 10 minutes"
I will always remember today as the day I narrowly escaped having to touch a tiny penis
It's not even like I care. He was cute 30lbs ago and before he fucked that Michael Jackson look alike.
I want to miss work tomorrow on account of violent projective vomit... Make it happen
Why Weren't you wearing pants?
because pants are for people with no imagination
Ok get your liver ready for the weekend. Harry Potter Drinking Game Marathon is a go. BYO liquor of choice, rule cards at the door. I wanna see some Hagrid level drinking out of you, Muggle.
Think of all the island guys I could have. Ah well.
You can not bait me into a "how Stella got her groove back" call and response.
Just lectured your brother about using condoms when hooking up with girls he meets online. I should be a fucking life coach
How frowned upon is it to take your vibrator into the tanning bed...because Operation: dripping wet is in full swing and I have a busy schedule
He went snooping and now he's all intimidated by my super amazing box of sexy time toys.
Please stop calling it that.
Give me an out of order sign and caution tape and we can have sex practically anywhere.
I just need you to appreciate that this is the first time I've ever been cut off and it's at an airport bar in Philly before 1 o'clock in the afternoon.
I need an honest answer, no judgements. Would it make me a bad person if I fucked the other twin?
Randomize