where am i from again
she quoted hannah montana in her facebook status. i will never be speaking to her in person again.
splinters make it hard to masturbate
It's Christmas week. I wouldn't know what to do if i wasn't hung over.
At what point should i just give my brother a break and stop sleeping with his friends?
Ha ha. You should see the things I'm doing to my body at Bob Evans.
Im positive, your name was on my abdomen, Im pretty sure thats solid evidence
He got completely naked and is now just standee there next to my bed poking at my hamster. Why can't I get sex the normal way.
I need like a hormone stopper. Or a chastity belt. Or like a lady business alarm that goes off when I'm being too drunk.
the best part of college is nobody can tell me not to eat six toaster strudels and jerk off in the shower
About 98% sure I just walked by some dude jerking it in the library. I'm guessing his college experience isn't going as planned
She's really sweet and cute, but when she drinks, she becomes way too proud of her bush.
I had sex in an engineering office last night. So that could be your life. I was mounted on top of a sketch of a future parking lot for a maintenance building. If that's not romantic, idk what is
I have the WORST hangover. Pretty sure my liver fell out while taking a dump. THAT bad.
He's got a british accent, a tounge ring, and he's wearing an eye patch... Of corse I'm fucking him
Randomize
