I look like a sausage in jean shorts, you should have woken up earlier and approved my outfit.
We got drunk before dinner. People at the other tables were praying for us.
She said she didn't want to have sex because she was so torn up about "this whole NBC thing."
how can getting a pizza be this hard?
when you've been drinking 14 hours anythings impossible
I know I hit you with my car but people express love in different ways. Everyone is different.
Just woke up to find myself cooking eggs on the imaginary stove in my room.
Hurricane Sex Time is the only thing iv said since it started.
I will not fill you in on the details until we get back, so do not ask. I got peed on by the girl I was hooking up with last night.
We are sitting here staring into each others eyes, mutually rubbing forks up and down our respective noses. High as balls doesn't even begin to cover it.
Dude he did say "let's go cougar hunting" and you KNEW your mom was going out last night...so it's kind of your own fault for not coming
Apparently that big girl from last night tried to take me upstairs when I was blacked out and all I did was grab Qs arm and whisper 'don't let her take me'
I ran into him drunk, barefoot, at rite aid and he said I looked "stunning." Yeah, Stunningly shitfaced haha
Dude, you can't drink while watching Star Trek. You hardly understand it sober.
It's an alien shaped cup though. i think that'll help me absorb.
Bring me pizza. I'll trade you your underwear you left here for 2 slices.
I can't talk, I can't walk, I think I'm twitching and I'm not even sure if I'm typing this. Help
Randomize
