32 messages asking me to suck his dick. And there for a minute i thought i was desperate. ha!
Hahahaha
make that 40.
As long as you don't die I'm in full support of your drinking decisions
You called in. Quitter. You stayed at home naked drinking again didnt you.
I don't know how I feel about the stuff we got from that guy. Me and Monty are driving through town listening to static at full blast...
I opened my package from my mom today. She put four bottles of tequila in the bottom under my ducky slippers. She knows me way to well.
I woke up in an empty bathtub with the wrong brother
So like 5 seconds in I realize I knew him in 3rd grade and I went limp in his mouth. It felt like I just murdered the last unicorn ever. Going straight never felt like an option till now.
I swear to god, if you fuck the hot one you're paying me back for the shot I just bought her
Swear to god our friendship has its limits. Stop peeing on the fucking refrigerator.
The language barrier was annoying .... So we just had sex. That is how you deal with not being able to chat isn't it???
THERE IS A MOTHERFUCKING HUMMINGBIRD FLYING AROUND IN OUR HOUSE RIGHT NOW HOW DO I GET IT OUT????
I bet you my entire life savings of $0 that there's a Doctor Who porn parody and that it features the sonic screwdriver being inserted into some cavities
Just cuz u chase vodka with sweet tea doesn't make it sweet tea vodka
I talked to his mom for a good 10 minutes with coke all over my nose. Not the best first impression
There is a sex dungeon behind the wine cellar. This is why I hate showing foreclosures.
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