I'll start drinking again when I know where I am
why do my parents always seem to be having way more sex than i do?
Ah I wish I was there to nurse you then clean up your piss-filled water bottles
for some reason the bedside piss missed the water bottle today
Just got thank you sex for shoveling the driveway. I cant wait for the next blizzard
2pm: Breaking news alert: I think I'm finally sober. Oh, and that place needs hotter strippers.
I'm leaving my hospital band on when we go drinking tonight. I'm aiming for pity sex.
And a psychic told me I was pregnant and I am just so over life right now.
she drove 3 hrs one way just to sleep with me. I felt bad complaining about paying for condoms.
I guess birthday shots aren't always the answer
duuuude the clock in this car says its 85 past 19.
dear god, who put you in a cab?
The dopest dose you'll ever dose. I felt like an octopus all of thursday
Please don't tell me that blonde guys name is Matthew I won't be able to fuck a guy with my brothers name
We could put on there: "Drink jager bombs and do stupid shit faster, with more energy!"
Dude, you stalking his LINKEDIN profile will NOT affect your chances with him. We aren't 40...
april was a good month for me, sexually...doubled my number, had a threesome, fucked a girl for the first time and two different boys in one night. there should be a medal
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