please say your awake. the girl i brought home last night...any idea on a name? she isnt up yet...
Ok a condom literally fell out of my underwear this morning, i have never been so confused.
All you kept saying was "my dick ALWAYS causes problems".
Meet me at the corner of "what the fuck" and"how'd you get in my bed" in 10 minutes.
The shit I just took made me regret every life decision leading up to it.
the bride at the wedding we just crashed said we can stay only if we strip for her. You need to get down here
I just sent a snapchat of my boobs for Adderall. It's finals season.
Stuck in the Minneapolis airport for 3 hours with an expense budget and a wine bar. This could get out of hand quickly.
I see the guy who's been trying to get me to let him eat my ass became engaged on Facebook today; would framed screen shots be an appropriate wedding present?
Worst case: you're extra horny, have no control of your mouth or actions, and maybe murder someone. Child's play.
I'm drinking on a Thursday because I can
Today is Wednesday you jobless drunk
He sent me a pic and then I suffered dick amnesia about the rest of that
I guess I was running around slapping people in the face with a slice of turkey telling them that the only way to beat alcohol addiction is to go cold turkey.
You followed me up the stairs while i was throwing up yelling "projectile! projectile! projectile!"
long story short... we may or may not have lost your car.
Randomize
