I just got asked by a man in the alley if i would like to buy 50 dollars of meat for 20 bucks. Its been a weird day.
we were just talking about designated drivers and i suggested we each hire a mexican day laborer to give us piggy back rides... i have the best ideas eveeer
I want to poop on a bird, just to show them what it's like.
i lost virginity while listening to candy shop. something in my life has finally gone right.
U shoulda just taken her to a stall and banged her and let me watch the game. Some friend u r.
Operation liquormelon is in full effect. We may die tonight.
ttyl tear gas
I just faked an interview like I fake a fucking orgasm. Wonder if these candidates can tell I'm a tired and hungover recruiter?
I have a test in the morning in sign language about signs for drugs and alcohol use. Im drunk and rolling a blunt. I've never felt so confident about a grade in my life.
I'm sorry, you might have to start setting aside some time in your day for my pussy.
he doesn't sweat normal. maybe that's what THC smells like coming through the sweat glands...
The guy whose porn password I use finally renewed his membership. Lazy fucker had been slacking all summer.
Shia LaBeouf arrested in austin for public intoxication. JUST DO IT
Puking out the window is really hard when you're the one driving.
Oh god I found a set of car keys in my pocket, and I have no idea who's they are
Randomize
