Just kissed her with a dip in my mouth... She was either too drunk to notice or too cool to care
Are you seriously drinking already? It's 11AM. Still morning.
I'm going by McDonald's time. And since they stop serving breakfast at 10:30 and start serving lunch, it is now afternoon.
So I'm eating my sandwich... and a penny fell out of it.
can we please take bets on how much therapy you'll need in the future?
im pretty sure every drug dealer is going to be able to retire the day after alice in wonderland comes out
your brother is wearing shin guards in the swimming pool. i have a feeling that this happens often
I think she just stepped in a piece of mac and cheese, picked it off the bottom of her foot and ate it.
You stood next to him taking HUGE gasps of air in an attempt to second hand smoke his cig because you didn't have one...
Would it be safe to assume you're the one that left my front door wide open and left yourself a trail of jaeger drops to find your way back?
Like, actually questioning if you ate dog shit last night
wanna come over? I have movies.
sure, what movies
porn or disney, your choice
I last recall trying to play piano and asking justin for drugs. I would like to think I then gracefully laid down on the couch and shut my eyes like a sleeping kitten.
We can't shop at Hobby Lobby anymore. They don't like Plan B which basically runs through our veins.
I'm making a will, in it I'm leaving you my skull.
I was not drunk enough for that final.
Randomize
