i just woke up i smell like fire, i have bruises on both knees and one elbow, i have a lighter and nip of smirnoff blueberry in my bed, rug burn on one hip and about 12 pics of you and me on my camera-this needs to stop happening
yea ive got to shower which is going to be painful given the skin burns from the blowup obstacle course races last night
how drunk was i? i pretended i was getting a blowjob from a fuckin dolphin in front of my dad. thats how drunk i was.
This is why you don't make out with cougars at a bar... I got a linkedin request from her, wtf?
i checked my sent messages this morning and i had apparently tried to text the bar, saying "idk what i drank, do you?"
it got awkward when she realized that our nickname for her was "The Hambeast"
Wrote my name backwards on the test and asked for extra credit points. Late start booze days are my new favorite thing.
his finger was half off and he was more concerned that he wasnt at home shooting cucumbers out of his potato gun.
I immediately regret the tequila decision.
You are the only lesbian I know that needs plan b
I've made this amazing blanket/pillow cocoon combo and I am set for life in here.
Also the girl beside me smells like she's been in a deep fryer.
I'm discussing Magic Mike with my mom and totally get why she thinks I'm gay.
who are you talking about my vagina to?!
When campus security rolled up he stole their car and drove it like 100 feet. Then he walked up and gave back the keys because it was a hyundai.
Fun fact: nipples work on touch screens. Tell your friends :)
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