Hands down the best time I've ever had barfing.
I can make a handprint turkey for extra credit in history. I feel like the word college should be in quotes on the school letterhead.
I accidentally asked my mom for a blowjob because 'mom' and 'molly' are next to each other in my address book.
Disney World has no open container laws. Ohmygod this place is even cooler than it was when I was ten.
i dont want to stoop that low. but my dick does.
she said "the two best ways to sober up are to nurse someone or give a blowjob" and im gonna go along with it.
There is a guy dressed as Captain America in the theatre. I want to make out with him even though I have no idea what he looks like. Wish me luck, I'm going in.
So awkward... The newspaper lady just caught me sitting stoned in my driveway at 5 am and asked if I was okay. I'm way better than ok right now
he said something along the lines of "fish can smell fear"
Even though he was watching you pee on his bedroom floor, you kept denying it and saying he was dreaming
You called me and said "Aidan's unconscious" to which he said "I'm conscious, I'm conscious pilot"
He was filled with the holy spirit. And vodka.
Exotic beer tasting at my apt right now and by that I mean I bought random beer and I'm drinking it on my balcony
She cried the whole movie and got kicked out for saying "[Santa's beard] looks so soft I wanna stick my dick in it." We're going again next week. Drunk animation majors are the best
I'm sorry you caught us fucking in your bathroom. If it makes you feel any better when I tried to put my pants back on I dropped them in the toilet.
starting to feel like a fuck wizard with a magical sixth sense for people fucking.
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