I talked a bachelorette party out of a 4 person bucket of long islands, and drank it by myself. Please call me a taxi. The fat brides maid just grabbed my cock
There was blood everywhere. She was pretty good looking person though.
When that rick ross song came on he started ripping up dollar bills and pouring out drinks on the floor. I'm all for ignorance but it was a little excessive for a wedding
Im blasting "Fat Bottom Girls" as loud as humanely possible in attempts that old ladies doing water aerobics will take the hint and get the fuck out of the pool.
Dude just walked down the street literally wearing nothing but a small box around his waist carrying a case of beer. I want to live here for the rest of my life.
You may have cured my horniness. I feel like my libido just got shat on by kittens who live on an enchanted rainbow.
Dude. Zebras have bad attitudes.
I FEEL like I celebrated someone's 21st, but really I just celebrated Tuesday.
You called me last night and said you had a vision that a cat made you a sandwich. You were tripping way too hard
your were asleep with people making out on top of you. you didn't even look bothered by it.
Not gonna lie: had to look up how to spell fellatio. Not sure I spelled it right even now. Looks like a Shakespearean character. ENTER FELLATIO, SOLILOQUIZING.
I've been sleeping with the same person for about two months now, I think I know a little bit about stability and commitment.
Whats a little naked between friends. Just don't laugh or I'll be scared for life.
he'll eat me out, but god forbid we double dip when sharing salsa
is it sad that a disney movie is making me horny?
Randomize