I'm hiding behind a bush in mens clothing next to a ducks crossing sign. There are joggers. Please hurry.
We did nothing beneficial to ourselves, or our country last night.
we spent fifteen minutes trying to convince you that you weren't locked inside of your car
I should have known our good time had gone to shit when his ankle bracelet started flashing.
Ice skating? Did you see me last night? I don't even know where my socks are
Also, am I the only one who noticed he didn't fuck you until after you were technically a cripple? Or am I reading into this too much? Congrats on that btw
yeah the little voice in my head screaming YOU NEED TO GET LAID eventually grew legs and started kicking me so to avoid brain damage i had to fuck him
Left and drinking by a bar by myself. Everyone is in pajamas. I'm in a tuxedo. This is my life.
I complimented him on his choice of carpeting while he was humping me.
so he had an ashton kutcher Kelso haircurt. dude, we're in our mid to late 20s, I don't think we can ridicule guys for having hair anymore.
Dude, for twins they have shockingly different blowjob styles.
STOP FUCKING MY SISTERS!!!!
I'm eating Doritos at 9am because last nights weed is just now starting to wear off
I just realized my hands still smell like your cock. Which is awesome, but I wonder if the clerk at the store appreciated it.
I feel bad. I'm the reason hand sanitizer exists.
You should feel special! You're also the only person I've ever punched during sex
There are peanut butter donuts now. We are playing with forces we can't possibly understand.
Randomize
