You just compared our sex life to a seven year old kid.
apparently the officer said last night, "son, why don't you do yourself a favor and spread your legs so you don't keep vomiting on them". why can't I remember those nights?!
Ever got a vibrator stuck in ur hair? Is worse that getting ur hairbrush stuck.
...well that sucks.
JAMES WASHOMGTON STATE ATTACKED US
WE'RE FYCKED UL HARDCORW
THE REISLING ATRACEX US
I WILL STOP HOOKING UP WITH GUYS EX'S FOR REVENGE. I WILL STOP HOOKING UP WITH GUYS EX'S FOR REVENGE. I WILL STOP HOOKING UP WITH GUYS EX'S FOR REVENGE.
Apparently it's ok to apply for building permits drunk. I feel like there definitely is a law preventing that.
I just remembered that last night I ate nachos off of someone else's table with a stranger
I fell asleep masterbating while watching family guy... This is what happens when girl's night gets canceled
Just saw a man in a motorized chair roll by drinking a beer. It's 9:45 AM. I love Louisiana.
I was so high I didn't realize I'd put on someone else's bra. I thought my boobs had shrunk.
He jizzed all over my ID badge. HR is gonna be pissed...
How do you tell a woman that you are seeing that the scars on your back are from her awesome-in-bed little sister?
Checking my Tinder matches as I sit here in the waiting room at Planned Parenthood. I can't be stopped.
before i could order beers she was on stage 69ing with a stripper
I swear to god, if you ever yell my name during sex with my sister again..your balls will be stapled to your nipples.
Randomize
