omg i can't drink anymore.. i just pulled up my dress and started playing with my vagina
YOU GOT EVICTED FROM A TRAILER PARK!?!? WTF!!!!!
Just try to make good decisions...remember our convo we had about morals the other day?
Turn them off?
I just threw up while getting a haircut. I'm never trying to accomplish stuff with a hangover again.
Only time i ever look at my online banking statement is to see when i left the bar.
this is worse than the time i threw up a condom.
Well he can play the xylophone with his erect cock... So he's got that going for him
Speaking of fellatio on fictional characters, the Stay Puft Marshmallow Man would be a delicious blowjob.
I woke up and they were watching power rangers in japanese so I just found my bra and left
He's not messing around tonight. 4 fist pumps.
I'm at an awkward stage of not being able to tell if I wanna keep having fun or if I need to die in bed
if i had known the extra weight would have gone to my tits, i would have started drinking years ago
dude I just found tht weird ass guy u invited last night passed out in my closet.... apparently he "couldn't find the exit"
I just want to feed you taquitos and play with your boner and live happily ever after
Apparently I have a "problem" because I enjoy doing bong rips in the shower
Randomize
