I feel miserable, can't drink that much when I go out
We've been saying that since '98
This is how I know I have no life... Jon and Kate are my emotional roller coaster.
chinese tourists just took a picture of me....im pretty sure i heard the bus drive say something about shame.
The reason i havent seen you yet better have huge tits
I want a meaningful relationship and i wont get one if i keep giving him blow jobs in my basement while watching family guy.
I swear it started with good intentions but then my slutty side took over and we started playing strip checkers
What would you do if you came home and i was in nothing but the table cloth?
I swear she's a drunk klepto...by the end of the night she had stolen 3 bowling balls. HOW DO YOU STEAL 3 BOWLING BALLS?
he shit on the floor last night i'm not venturing down there
I had mdma, weed, and alcohol in my system. My doctor seems to think that's how I tore my groin.
Last night must have been awesome because I went to get in the shower only to find the bat symbol drawn on my chest
That happened during battle shots lol
who has a one night stand on Christmas ? But he's pretty attractive so thumbs up
I got outsmarted by a door tonight. Twice.
Hey, thanks for helping me this morning
Always a pleasure to feed you bread as your body lay crumpled on the floor.
I hate when pretentious people talk bad ab corn dogs
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