You were right, I'm so drunk and I want to eat the shit out of my vanilla cupcake candle it smells delish
Experience is the best teacher
yay, now i'm not the only homewrecker.
yeah but i stopped sleeping with him after i found out he was married.
She does have a great personality.
Yeah, in her vagina.
There are bud lights poping out of the zipper of my overnight bag and my dildo almost fell out in the elevator. not professional
No you are right. With a nickname like Monster Cock, you shouldn't expect him to want to "just talk". I'd be insulted too
I left you pizza on the porch. I didn't want to wake you, if you were passed out on the bathroom floor again. Sorry if it's cold.
i was driving around baked, windows down jamming to third eye blind and eating grapes for 35 minutes before i remembered why i left my house
I refuse to have sex with you and your eBay condoms.
Pregaming before going to drink with a girl from Russia. Please make sure I'm not dead in the morning.
Walking out of the bathroom and not knowing you have hand soap on the front of your pants so it looks like you blew a load on yourself really sets the tone for the rest of the week...
I just faked an orgasm while masturbating. Idk what exactly my problem is but I have one
Uess honpr I rememebrt hEzS cuter
You'll have to translate that into sober in the morning.
I think my liver just tried to kill me, we need to slow down
Somebody put William Shatner singing Bohemian Rhapsody on the jukebox, and the whole bar is about to riot.
I WANT GRASS AND TREES NOT SOMEONE SWINGING A SWORD AROUND
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